Katie

My friend Katie has a blog, you should read it.

Katie used to eat alone wearing a Le Tigre shirt in the cafeteria. I wanted to be her friend so badly. I saw her and imagined what it would be like to be friends with a girl like that. Sometimes I would see her eating with a few other people. But, never in a large group. I almost always ate alone, reading a book.

I can't remember how we started to talk. It might have been I saw her profile on Make Out Club. I wish it was a better story than that. Maybe because my memory is so shaky, I could make one up. I think Katie would like that.

Katie was the one who told me to read Sylvia Plath. She would read over my poems and I would read over her poems. Her poems were beautiful and covered with a simple imagery. She never force fed you a line, each one came as easy and soundless, breathless, as the next. We both really liked the Robert Hass (He walked back to his own cabin through the pines, and in the morning he found a small blue bowl on the porch outside his door. It looked to be full of rose petals, but he found when he picked it up that the rose petals were on top; the rest of the bowl-she must have swept the corners of her studio-was full of dead bees.

Sometimes we would sit in the PS section of Waldo library and look at books. I switched my major from English-Teaching to Creative Writing. I knew I wanted to do nothing else, and Katie encouraged me. She has always been a poet that I knew I liked. I knew made sense to me. I looked up to her a lot then, and I still do now, especially as she starts applying to the twenty-something different graduate schools. She seems stronger now. We both do. There was one summer I went a little crazy, and we both ended up dating the same boy, only I dated him after she did, and she didn't even get too angry with me. I sort of can't believe it.

I don't think I ever feel bored

but I usually feel unproductive and antsy.

I feel like this is very heavily influenced by the videos of Zachary German and Ellen Kennedy, whose blogs I check on a daily basis. I sometimes feel guilty when I check Ellen Kennedy's blog because I don't really know her, and I feel like I should only read the blogs of people I know. Like, I wouldn't want to invade their personal space or something. I made one of these videos and you could see my cat's tail, but it didn't turn out the way I wanted.



ps: I really loved Kendra's last few poems she has posted on her blog. Especially the newest one.

secret #1

I always really wanted to be a dancer. I still wish it could have been something I pursued. Since I have moved to New York, I have been asked several times if I was a dancer. I felt really excited that I might look like a dancer. I guess, really, I wouldn't want to rely so heavily on my body to do what I loved to do. I feel like if something happened to your body and you couldn't dance anymore, life would be really confusing. You would also probably walk around really aware of your body, probably too aware, because you would have to be conscious of movement. I think, for me, writing is escaping so you can continue living. Lynda Barry talks about this. Other writers have talked about this. I think even in that Philip Glass documentary, Glass talks about this. I like the idea of being able to leave the physical realm. But maybe, when a dancer is really dancing, they leave the physical realm just like a writer does. They enter some other space, yet are still able to operate their body somehow. I don't know. I'd like to hear a dancer talk about dancing, I guess.

guest comic

Recently, my friend Mike asked me to do a guest comic for his website.

I was perplexed about what to write about and thought about all of the other guest webcomics I have seen in my life. I thought I wasn't going to be able to give Mike something worthy of himself, but, luckily, I was able to do it.

There is a little section from me about the process of making the comic, and the fact that I really felt nervous about making it, and having it on the internet for everyone to see. Mike has been so wonderful and encouraging. Also, his comics are really really funny and unlike other readers of his site, I never thought his word bubbles looked like little wangs. But, it is because of him that I get really impatient for Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Also, Octopus Pie doesn't help this situation, but he told me about that, so I can still blame him for making me hate weekends. TGIM, I guess.

Also, there are two pictures of me where I look completely different in both of them. I forgot I ever even had a Vagina Monologues shirt. I really used to love that play (?). I have seen it quite a few times. I read a part from it to my class last semester. They clapped. Also, I've been trying to figure out what band shirt I'm wearing in the second, but kind of glad it doesn't say. I have a feeling it might embarrass me.

the something

an unmentionable something came into mind and it seemed easier to have a something rather than a nothing, or a nothing rather than a something because it made relationships seem easier. to have nothing or something. a binary transaction with emotions. and I so much want things to be easier. to be able to say "oh, i don't know. they just have a something" unexplainable but still reliable. people trust it. people will trust things you say more often when it comes to love.

I am a mammal.

Hot blooded
and burning
for a little attention.



I am reading a book and it explains that the difference between mammals and reptiles, is that mammals care about things (their young, their mates) while reptiles could really care less. Mammals then created language to alert when they want more or less attention, or, in the case of the young, are in distress. Birds also have a language. Vultures have a language, I am pretty sure. This has not been covered. They have not said anything about vultures in this book yet.

watch out.

don't worry, it is just friendly fire.