Tuesday, October 28, 2008


expletives are vague, yet somehow evoke emotion.
sometimes, they are seen as 'cheap' in a poem or song.
sometimes, they seem 'fitting'.

I sit down and think 'FUCK' daily.
I try not to swear too much, vocally speaking.

I desperately want to say something 'true' and 'honest',
like Hemingway. like Gertrude Stein. like Lydia Davis. or Mary Ruefle.


I can not write it.

So how to evoke it?


Saturday, October 25, 2008

my week

"How was your week?"
"What did you do today?"
"How have you been?"
"What have you been up to lately?"

I have never really thought of myself as socially awkward, but I can be when it comes to questions like these, because I don't know what the other person is searching for.

Those questions are so big, or would at least require a very big answer in order for me to feel satisfied, this is what I'd want to say. But, I get the feeling this isn't what people are searching for.


Knowing I can find contentment in apple-carrot-ginger juice.


W.B. Yeats' "Collar-Bone of a Hare"

I would find by the edge of that water
The collar-bone of a hare
Worn thin by the lapping of water,
And pierce it through with a gimlet and stare


Matthew Rohrer's "Rise Up" & the excitement that comes from mixing different "registers" of language

A decision to "participate" as much as I "encounter"

An Audrey Hepburn influenced ensemble.


(taken from NYSOG blog)

image: what we see: how we see it


Staying in, making dinner with my roommate, building a bookshelf: how we create space & then enjoy it, and how space can be an indicator of emotional well-being.


May, 2005

NOVEMBER 2008!?!?!?!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

the truth

I have been sitting on the internet for the last half hour and about 90% of the things I have decided to look at have made me feel really angry, or passive-aggressive, or lonely.

Friday, October 17, 2008



I think when we are sick, it is our desire to be coddled. To have someone bring us soup from a can, I do not think most of us would require that someone make us soup from scratch, because that would be being greedy and we are sick already, and if they had to make a soup, it would take away their time and what if we needed water? they wouldn't be around to make sure we were hydrated, and that's just way too scary and lonely. I have a weird problem with my throat, and I called in sick to work, but always feel like people think I'm faking it, even when I'm not.

I get the same feeling every time I walk through a security device at a department store or airport.

I did ask my roommate to pick me up twizzlers. It felt good when she said she would, but usually, when I am sick, I want someone to just sit in my bed and I can close my eyes and they can read to me out of a long novel, or a short story, and I can just listen and sort of forget about my body for awhile.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I think I should go outside.
I think I should stay inside.
I think I should go outside.
I think I should stay inside.
I think I should go outside.
I think I should stay inside.
I think I should go outside.
I think I should stay inside.
I think I should go outside.
I think I should stay inside.