I usually type a lot, then erase it. I think that's why I prefer my real journal lately. I am forced to write and keep it there, and if I don't like it, then I am forced to keep on writing until my mind gets to something I do want to write about. I'm not really sure what I want to write about, but I do know I want to be writing.
My friend Mike really inspires me to be creative. He drew a comic about a conversation we had. He makes time for being creative every day. I need to do this.
I sometimes talk about Winnicott's theory on creativity, which is explained in thing I read online:
Only when living creatively does a person come alive as a human being. We cannot be fully alive if we reside too much in either the realm of reality or the realm of fantasy because in each case we are being simply reflexively reactive to stimuli. Both reality and fantasy are, for Winnicott, outside the individual´s creative realm. In the intermediate space between fantasy and reality, on the other hand, we come alive as creators or interpreters of our own experience; reality is interpreted in terms of fantasy, and fantasy in terms of reality. Perception renders fantasy relatively safe; fantasy renders perception relatively meaningful. A sense of personal vitality is generated when each prevents the other from becoming too powerful. This is what Winnicott is getting at when he writes: "I can now afford to look and see. I now look creatively and what I apperceive I also perceive."
I like the idea of creativity being expansive. I see it everywhere now. I see it when a co-worker makes a good latte. I see it sometimes when a parent is with their child. There is nothing like creativity to suggest that you are still alive, and perhaps will live on, and not have to deal with the mortality of the average human being. That's comforting. That's heaven.
I need to stop saying how I "should" be doing things and just do them. Relevancy is difficult, as well as honesty. Somehow, through all the the things they had to do, the writers I loved still had time to write. So I need to make (create) (be creative with time) in order to have time to be creative. I also plan to take a small "vacation" where I actually just take off work and stay in my apartment.
I also want to get together with people and draw. I used to do this more often, but it is so hard to find people sometimes.
PS: Who wants to go on a date to Governor's Island?