struggle

fact: it is 3:16am

fact: i wish i was in the midwest.

fact: i have a hard time admitting that to anyone.

fact: i feel lonley and sometimes afraid and mostly tired and scared and yearning for the whistle of wind through a tree or just an afternoon spent in bed listening to records, because you have the time for that sort of thing, or the someone to do it with, and i want air that doesn't smell funny, and maybe a garden. i have plenty of personal space in my room, but really nothing but a few books that i can remember a history through.

i love my new brown faded desk. i love the two friends that helped me bring it into my room. i wish i could relax, now that i realize this isnt vacation anymore.